Marriage -it is about two different people coming together, who share different life experiences, happiness, tears, laughter and fights too. Some days in marriage are about holding your spouse firmly. There will also come difficulties and rough patches which will convince you to drift apart. And these are the times when your partner has got nothing but to abuse you, hurt you and disrespect you. In that case Divorce is often the last resort when the situation is extreme for one of them or for a couple who no longer wish to be with each other.

In Pakistan if we compare past with present. Yes, we can say that women are now more independent and stronger as ever. They are more educated and well aware of their rights and refuse to suffer just to keep a marriage intact. But we have still people among us who frown upon the word Divorce specially if it’s initiated by women. The shame women go through when getting a divorce is real.

Recently I came across a girl who was having issues with her marriage, though her husband was educated but had short fuse. The smallest of smallest event if not goes according to him would irk him. He had trust issues and wanted his wife to do everything as per his wish.

He made her to change her completely, her likes dislikes. She had the impression that she was imprisoned. In an effort to save her marriage, she also made an effort to explain certain things to him. She was mentally and emotionally abused. Also disrespected in many ways. She was prohibited from performing any sort of work.

Finally, she made the difficult decision to divorce her husband because there was no longer any mutual respect or understanding between them and she didn’t want to prolong the conflict. She tried her best to make her husband understand about the ongoing issues in their marriage not for once, twice but thrice. For her husband they have to compromise with each other, and their marriage became just an arrangement.

That was the time when her in laws started giving her advice to compromise, to adjust. They allegedly said things like, “Every marriage has problems; this doesn’t mean you leave.” Everyone experiences the same problems. “Are they really living together if there are fights between them? “.” Divorce is not good option ” “Give him a chance he promised that he will work on his anger issues ” etc.

In other words, they made an effort to provide a positive image of their son to their family while blaming the wife for not wanting to live with her spouse. In Pakistan, divorce is still taboo despite the financial independence of women and changes in cultural norms. I chose five highly prevalent reasons.

5 Reasons Why Divorce Is still taboo

1. Social Stigma

Let’s be honest without faking it that Divorce is something which is still not acceptable and appreciated in our society. Parents don’t want their daughters to get divorce just because how they will face the people in their society. How will they answer their questions which is ridiculous. In Pakistan it is already tough for woman to get divorce. The lack of emotional support from family in order to continue with the process, women stay married longer especially in rural areas.

This societal shame frequently keeps women in abusive relationships. Due to prevalent cultural taboos, she would make a compromise and remain in the marriage. That girl will be doomed for life if she lacks education. She wouldn’t have any way to support herself. Another sort of social pressure is created if the kids are involved.

2.Living alone is not easy after Divorce

We have created that kind of environment where women would think 100 times before taking the decision of divorce. No matter how much a woman is financially independent according to the society and the made-up culture living her life alone is not going to be easy for her especially if she belongs to a poor or middle-class family.

There is a thinking prevailing in our society that woman has to get married she can’t live alone on her own without a man in her life. She always needs a support of man it’s a dangerous world out there. You will have to face more financial and mental struggles.

3.The Question of Remarriage

Though our society has opened to the idea of remarriage but there are still issues that are present. Still people labeled divorced women as she has done some kind of shameful thing well that’s not the case when the divorcee is man. People don’t give woman much of choices in remarriage. They just want to get her married again at any cost with whoever she gets. This social discrimination makes the life of divorced woman very hard.

4.Family Reputation

Pakistanis live in the societies where they have friends, relatives and neighbors who live very closely with each other. They usually know about each other’s issues. In other words, we can say they are inter linked. Their influence is so strong in a way that their opinions also affect them. This is so strange that parents are more concerned about their family reputation and the other people’s opinion rather than the matter itself and the woman involved.

Woman will be judged and blamed for not holding the family together or the relationship. Divorce is still somewhere seen as the huge dent on the family reputation and honor. Not long back this is the reason woman didn’t have the option of divorce.

5.Legal Matters

For a man divorce is very easy to get but for woman it’s a much more complicated process. Not only emotionally and mentally but also legally. A man only has to have two witnesses and he can give a divorce in a verbal or written form. While a woman has to file for a khula, ask the man for a divorce. This can than goes to court and court has a very lone process for this which can be traumatizing for woman.

Why woman continue to remain married for the sake of society? We must come to terms with the fact that ending an unhappy or abusive marriage is entirely acceptable. Instead, than trying to change divorcees, society has to demonstrate greater compassion for them.

Marriage is a two-person idea that thrives with mutual respect, trust, and understanding and shouldn’t be dependant on just one person. But when that very assumption is challenged, staying in a miserable marriage makes little sense. Because somewhere somehow it needs to be stopped.

Divorce should no longer be taboo in society. People needs to start taking divorce positively. And for all the women out there who feel that they have no voice, are weak or helpless, can’t alter the circumstances they are in, or that their experiences don’t matter, please believe me when I say that they do.

You need to take the first step and only you can do the good to yourself better rather than anyone around you. Every time you speak for yourself, you are speaking for all other women. You are speaking on behalf of future generations.

JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF……!!!!